Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Dipped in Butter? Yes Please!

Staying with my "let's try something new" phase I feel adventurous enough to suggest Red Lobster for dinner. I've never been there, and I'm not too much of a fish fan, but Mike loves the Endless Shrimp deal so off we go.

My first impression of the place is hilarious! What the hell kind of decor is this? There's fish tanks, fish art, fishing boats even fish upholstery! I am cracking up just looking around - oh this should be interesting. I am looking around in awe while Mike reads the menu and suggests things I might like. My brief experience with shrimp involves those terrible, cold shrimp rings and shitty cocktail sauce, so I'm at a loss for what to eat. He's for sure having the endless shrimp and I've decided that I'll try a bunch of things by ordering the Ultimate Feast. To throw a new one in the mix we get the Shrimp Bruschetta to start. Stupid idea. It was crappy, crunchy (stale?) bread and the shrimp on top was cold. Remember how I don't like cold shrimp? Needless to say I ate one piece and pushed it away. That's classic Tam, if I don't like it I push it away from me and make a poopy face.

Oooh! Dinner is here!
What. The. Hell.
I see mashed potatoes - score!- and shrimp in a garlic sauce and a lobster tail. The other two items I don't know what they are. I'm told the flat breaded things are also shrimp. Huh, ok. And the other is crab legs. This thing is crazy looking! And I have no idea how to eat them.

T:"OH! Nutcrackers! Why?"
M:"That's to open your crab legs".
T:"Open...? Like cracking a walnut?"
M:"Yes, I'll teach you."

Thank god I didn't try this alone. Mike is immersed in plates of shrimp as I stare at my plate. I'm not really sure what to do or where to start, so I eat the garlic shrimp and some of the mashed potatoes. That I know how to eat :) I look up all doe eyed and he starts laughing at me. (I'm glad this is so amusing for him).

T:"Hey, a mini fork!"
M:"That's to get out the crab meat"
T:*dumb look on face*

As dinner progresses I figure that I can just fork out the lobster meat easy enough and I've tried some of the breaded shrimp. I love dipping things in butter. I dipped every single thing on my plate in the melted butter. They should serve butter everywhere, for every meal. Just sayin'. Ok, to brave the crab legs. I pick it up, look it over, flip it around, smell it. Mike is staring at me. I'm not sure whether he wants to hide under the table or help his struggling girlfriend. I think he wants to hide, but he doesn't. He teaches me that I have to hold the opposite ends and bend the leg to crack the shell. I did it!! Now what? Pull out the meat I'm told. If you slide it slowly (or quickly, I don't remember) it should come out in one fell swoop!

Does mine? No. Not at all. Bits and pieces fall on to my plate and I get to use the mini fork to dig out the rest of the meat. I dip it in butter. I feel very unsuccessful for not getting the meat out in one piece, but, I have 7 other attempts at this! Mike is happily eating another plate of shrimp while I struggle with the cracking and pulling. I stop trying and go back to the lobster and potatoes. By now, I'm getting very full. It's probably because I've eaten almost all the butter. I have a silent heart-to-heart with the remaining crab legs and attempt this again. I do find it is very fun to eat with your hands so even though I'm not doing good at getting the meat out of the legs, I'm laughing and having a good time trying. Thank god. Because if I was having a shitty time it would have ruined the experience, I would have been pissy and we would have ended up at McDonalds.

I've left the biggest leg to the end and I pick up the shell cracker. Oohh I'm very excited to use this thing! Mike thinks that I will need help cracking this piece, but he forgets that I'm a server and have huge bicep muscles! First try baby, one handed!! (He seems pretty impressed actually). And lo and behold I get the meat out all in one chunk :D So proud of myself.

I'm wondering how many of you reading this are thinking "didn't she try the cheese buns?".
I did.
And they were gross.
Maybe many of you are screaming at the computer "WHAT??" "NO!" "THEY ARE THE BEST BUNS EVER MADE "
Sorry folks. Not for me. First off, I don't like flaky buns like that (or scones, or croissants or cruellers). Second, the cheese was not really cheesy. I mean, you can see it but the taste wasn't enough. And they are very dry. Just not good. (Mike also agreed with me on this point. But, he says, they are still one of his favourite breads anywhere and these didn't taste like he remembers them tasting).

I promise I will try them again, because I guarantee you I'm going back! It was great to try something new, we had a great laugh during dinner and it was great fun to eat with my hands so much. I'll give the cheese buns a second try, and I'll try something new next time I go, but I must have something that I can dip in melted butter. And lots of it.

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